From Contraception to Natural Family Planning

From Contraception to Natural Family Planning

One Woman’s Experience

“All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful but sorrowful,
yet to those trained by it afterwards
it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

Hebrews 12:11

Letter from Most Reverend Joseph A. Fiorenza, Bishop of Galveston-Houston

Contraception and birth control became an issue for me when I was preparing for marriage. What was I going to do about birth control? At that time the pill was in, and seemed the answer to everyone’s problem. Usually the wife took the burden of responsibility for birth control. I really didn’t know what I was going to do. I felt trapped. There seemed to be no other way, so I justified contraception in my mind and let my conscience dictate the use of the pill. I wished I had a more informed conscience. Strangely, I let my conscience say it was all right for me to take the pill, but was it really my conscience?

I had reservations about Birth Control, mainly because of the teachings of the Church and the fear of side effects. I remember praying, “Please, dear God, let me have my children and then let something happen so that I don’t have to bother with birth control.” I prayed for a hysterectomy or some other solution. I didn’t understand the gift of my fertility. I’m glad I survived the use of contraceptives. Some don’t.

I blamed the Church for my discomfort with contraception.

I blamed the Church for my discomfort with contraception. I felt that the Church was unfair to tell me what to use or not to use for birth control. I also thought, “Those in authority were not married, how are they to know what it is like to be married? Who were they to counsel in this situation?” I felt that in marriage and sexuality they had no authority to speak out, direct or counsel. Little did I know...

There were many waiting in the 60’s . . .

There were many waiting in the 60’s, hoping that the Church would accept the Pill, then we thought we would be happier. The Church didn’t change its teaching against contraception and sterilization. For those who didn’t listen to the Church, the question is, “Were you, and are you, happier?” I wasn’t.

My husband was unaware of the tremendous struggle I was going through. . .

My husband was unaware of the tremendous struggle I was going through with contraception. I decided to consult a priest about my problem. I presented to this priest my situation as I understood it. I was in an interfaith marriage and not to use a form of birth control could cause a tremendous hardship in our marriage. I had conjured up the worst. Could it even cause a divorce? I sat in the priest’s office fearful, trembling and at times tearful. What was the priest supposed to do? As far as he knew, I was giving him the accurate assessment of my marital relationship. In my mind, I believed this situation might be that critical.

I know the priest’s heart went out to me. In all honesty and compassion he wanted to quiet and calm a fearful young woman. I can’t remember all the words of comfort and encouragement that he gave me or even if he shared about the teachings of the Church, but what I do remember are these words: “Let love be your guide."

This suggestion sounded good to me. “Let love be my guide?” My question was, “What is love?” At that time in my life, love meant, don’t stir the waters... don’t rock the boat... don’t risk communicating my struggles to my husband. Who knows what I might have to face; possible rejection, or even ridicule?

Let love be my guide?

Let love be my guide? To me, love meant keeping peace at all cost. Peace to me meant the absence of risks, disagreements and confrontation. It meant not communicating questionable material. It didn’t matter what the internal struggle of my heart, mind or soul might be. I have learned since then that in marriage I have to communicate or I might find myself alienated from my husband. I have no other choice if I want my marriage to grow and flourish. I have to take risks, face my fears and share. This communication has helped me to grow in understanding and trust with my husband.

Let love be my guide?

Let love be my guide was just what I needed to justify in my mind the use of the pill, IUD, condoms, diaphragms, gels, and foams. I often wonder what would have happened if the priest had said, “This is what the Church teaches...” and left the responsibility and accountability up to me? Who knows? I might have left, judging the Church as uncaring and out-of-date. I might have judged the priest the same. Or I might have gone from priest to priest until I heard what I wanted to hear. Scripture talks about a day when people will raise up leaders to tell them what they want to hear.

“For the time will come when people will not tolerate sound doctrine,

but following their own desires, will surround themselves with teachers who tickle their ears."

Timothy 4:3

That is what I was doing, although I was not consciously aware of it. In my human nature, I was looking for justification and rationalization NOT to follow the church’s teaching. I just needed ONE word or ONE phrase to say contraception was okay.

My husband and I used contraceptives . . .

My husband and I used contraceptives until we planned to conceive our first child and after her birth we used contraceptives until we planned to conceive our second child. After the birth of our second child it was time again for contraceptives. I felt I had to use them. I didn’t want to be pregnant all the time. I was frustrated. My misconception and misunderstanding of Natural Family Planning blocked that option from my mind.

When I went back to the doctor after my second baby, his first question was “What are you going to use for birth control?” At that time the doctors and nurses seemed to be pushing the IUD, because the “wonder drug,” The Pill, was causing serious side effects. The new thing was to use the IUD. It was painful to be inserted, and no one told me exactly how it worked. I don’t know whether I was really interested in knowing. I just had a child and was not ready for another one. Whatever the doctor recommended was acceptable. I trusted him. It’s amazing to me now how I literally entrusted my life and limbs to my doctor. Morality was never discussed, neither with my doctor nor with my husband.

Questions began to arise . . .

Questions began to arise, and statements about the IUD began to surface. I can remember being confronted that the IUD was an abortifacient. I took the defense and argued, “Not mine.” I truly believed the doctor had told me that mine did not abort. I believed I had the only IUD on the market that did not abort. It’s scary to see how blind I can be when I don’t want to see something.

I asked my doctor, “Does the IUD abort?”

After my third child was born, the issue of birth control came up again. I asked my doctor, “Does the IUD abort?” The answer, “Yes,” came back. “They all abort.” I knew I could never use the IUD again. What did I do? I was fitted for a diaphragm.

Because we never quite trusted . . .

Because we never quite trusted the durability of condoms, we thought the diaphragm with spermacides on it would be the answer. It was important to remember to insert it each time we thought we might be interested in having sex. Whether we had sex or not didn’t matter as long as we were prepared. It was very important to remember to remove the diaphragm after intercourse or I could develop vaginal infections or other serious complications.

Spermacides are chemicals to kill and destroy the sperm . . .

Have you ever thought about the use of spermacides? Think insecticide: a chemical to kill bugs. Spermacides are chemicals to kill and destroy the sperm that are ejaculated in the vaginal area. Can you think of putting insecticide (spermacides) into or on your body through the use of gels, foams and condoms? Consider that it might damage or destroy part of the sperm. The damaged sperm still may fertilize an egg and cause birth defects, as is recorded in medical literature.

Why take the chance of possibly damaging my health or the health of our children?

Why take the chance of possibly damaging my health or the health of our children? If only my husband and I had known our fertile time, and used Natural Family Planning and not contraception, we could have eliminated the possibility of being responsible for some birth defects and abortion.

If the diaphragm was a problem, the physicians had another suggestion.

Sterilization!

If the diaphragm was a problem, the physicians had another suggestion, Sterilization! One thing seemed to lead to another. We also thought of sterilization. I resented having to subject my body to the constant onslaught and consequences of birth control, and my husband was reluctant but willing to have a vasectomy. There were some stories from the newly sterilized about how wonderful it was to have sex anytime you wanted and not have to worry about getting pregnant. I had heard of complications, pain and regret from some that were sterilized, and from others that sterilization didn’t work.

The doctors seemed to encourage sterilization, wife or husband. After my third child, I could have had the sterilization done right after the delivery. So easy, no mess, no fuss, no one would have even known. Pressure, pressure... How many of us make decisions because of pressure or intense fear of the future?

I began to question . . .

I began to question myself; What if all our children died and we couldn’t have any more? What if we decided later on that we wanted more children? I thought, I couldn’t handle another child. Emotionally, at that time I felt depleted of all energy. We thought three children was all we would want. We felt we couldn’t afford any more, and the thought of college tuition frightened us.

The battle with birth control continued. I had thoughts like: “What if we were in a war and contraceptives were no longer available? What would people do then? What if no one could afford to buy contraceptives? Would every woman get pregnant?” I have learned since then that when I am confused or feel pressured, I shouldn’t make life changing decisions..

We were fearful and young . . .

We prayed about sterilization. We were fearful and young. A question came to mind, “If sterilization and contraception have always been taught as morally wrong, then who changed?” God doesn’t change truth depending on situation. For once I said No. I didn’t want my husband to suffer any consequences when it came to sterilization. Sterilization might be the final blow that could destroy our relationship. Not knowing what to do, we resolved to use the diaphragm and what we could buy across the counter at the local drug store.

The worry of side effects was a constant threat to me

When I was using contraception the worry of side effects was a constant threat to me. Every time I saw or felt something unusual, I went to the doctor. I suspected it might be cancer. I now realize that side-effects differ in women. Some seem to develop no apparent physical side-effects, but who wants to take that chance? I might be the one to die of a blood clot, stroke, or perforated uterus. Physical side effects are just one aspect to fear from using contraceptives. There are financial, relational, spiritual, emotional, mental, and many other side effects as well.

We were then transferred to another city, and I began to hear about Natural Family Planning. The more I heard about Natural Family Planning, the more I seemed to question it. I knew of couples who used Natural Family Planning and some had large families. It never occurred to me that some of them wanted large families.

One day a couple heading to a NFP class invited us to go with them . . .

One day a couple heading to a Natural Family Planning class invited us to go with them. We went reluctantly. We had our jokes and laughs as we registered for the classes. We were led to our first session of Natural Family Planning by the desire for a deeper sexual relationship, the desire to be free from contraception, and the desire to do God’s will. Initially we weren’t convinced it was the method for us.

When I attended our first NFP session I felt overwhelmed by the information given. I remember questioning everything, especially rules and guidelines. No one knew of my critical attitude, because most of the battle was in my mind. When we left the class, I felt as if, finally for the first time I was really being educated and informed about the possible consequences of contraceptive living.

My husband and I decided to try NFP . . .

My husband and I decided to try NFP. When we began using Natural Family Planning, we stopped using contraceptives. I was like an addict coming off using a major drug. I went through withdrawal. I experienced depression, fears, and insecurities that I didn’t realize were within me. I was unaware of how contraceptives were affecting me until we began to practice Natural Family Planning. It’s strange that people don’t realize what they are missing or doing without until they find or experience the difference.

My understanding now is only by hindsight . . .

My understanding now is only by hindsight. I see my experience much the same as a young man we knew who began using drugs when he was fifteen. He stopped using drugs when he was twenty-one. He was twenty-one years old physically but only fifteen in his emotional and psychological maturity. He could do everything that a person is free to do at twenty-one; but he was unable to handle the decisions and responsibilities of a twenty-one-year-old. He missed the teen formation years through the use of drugs and was paying the consequences.

His experience is similar to how contraceptives affected our marriage. We had been married almost ten years, but in our sexuality and some parts of our relationship it was as if we were in our first years of formation. We missed the early formation years in our marriage through the use of contraceptives. When we started to learn NFP it seemed that our old way of responding to each other became ineffective; we had to start all over. After ten years of contraception, learning and using Natural Family Planning required adjustment. But this time our adjustment was worth the struggle. We knew that we were NOW building our marriage and sexuality on a firm foundation.

When I withdrew from contraceptives and learned Natural Family Planning,

I started to blame God for my emotional difficulties .

When I withdrew from contraceptives and learned Natural Family Planning, I started to blame God for my emotional difficulties. I wondered why He was making it so hard for me to learn Natural Family Planning. The answer came clearly to mind: It was NOT God who was causing me these difficulties, what I was experiencing was a direct result and consequences of our decision to use contraceptives.

My God, don’t let us settle for less, help me . . .

My constant prayer while I was learning NFP was “My God, don’t let us settle for less, help me put forth the effort that is needed to learn Natural Family Planning and reach the abundant life now on earth not just in eternity. Please dear God, don’t let me fall short of the goal You have for me. Help me to complete the race I began.” You see, if I had learned NFP before I married and had begun marriage with the conviction and use of NFP, I know that I would not have gone through that struggle.

My constant battle while learning NFP was indecision as to whether or not we wanted to go back to using contraceptives or to commit ourselves to NFP. I was afraid that if I used contraceptives again, I might be back where I was before I started to learn NFP.

Indecision can rob you of almost any gift.

Indecision can rob you of almost any gift. My indecision was caused by a strong pull to do what pleased self in the flesh as opposed to doing what was favorable for someone else or what was right. It wasn’t until we made a commitment to use NFP totally, which was not until our fifth month of cycling, that we were set free from the menace of indecision. It was one of the greatest moments in my life when we went through our bathroom cabinets and threw out all our contraceptives. That’s freedom! Had not someone asked us to teach, I’m not sure we would have committed ourselves to NFP totally as soon as we did. Teaching was God’s gift to us.

I assure you that most who decide to learn Natural Family Planning

do not struggle as I did.

I assure you that most who decide to learn Natural Family Planning do not struggle as I did. They learn it with ease, and in two to six months they become confident in using it. Keep in mind that the struggle I went through was not because of learning Natural Family Planning. It was because of withdrawal and deliverance from the whole contraceptive mentality. My husband did not suffer as I did. It was I who was addicted to the drugs of contraception. But he suffered somewhat because of our not growing simultaneously in the discipline of self-control and in the communication that Natural Family Planning brings to the marriage.

When I was attending our first class there was one aspect I was really preoccupied with, and that was abstinence. I didn’t know whether we could abstain from sexual intercourse. We had never experienced that discipline by choice before except when we were angry with each other or when one of us had an occasional headache. (Ha!) I wanted to know how much abstinence would be required each month. The answer was that it differs in each woman’s cycle. From seven to ten days is normal for most women. As we began learning Natural Family Planning, the instructors asked us to abstain from intercourse until we knew we were in the infertile phase. This abstinence is important so that the woman can observe her mucus without seminal fluid.

I realized that this was our choice, but could I handle the responsibility?

In learning Natural Family Planning, not only were my husband and I learning our fertile signs, but how to relate to each other during the time of abstinence. When my husband reached out and hugged me, initially, I questioned his motives. I didn’t want to say “No” to him. I didn’t know if we could discipline ourselves. What if we desired sex and chose not to abstain? I realized that this was our choice, but could I handle the responsibility? Did I want to? Could I control myself? Was I left totally to the whims and cries of the flesh? I lacked confidence in myself and did not have sufficient trust in my husband. Could my husband control himself? What if he didn’t get sex at home each time he wanted it? Would he look or be tempted elsewhere? Would Natural Family Planning put a strain on our relationship? The fears and insecurities of those times were many.

The instructors explained that using contraceptives during the fertile time is not

what they meant by creative continence.

In class I asked about the use of contraceptives during the fertile time, especially if we got into a bind when we couldn’t or chose not to abstain. The instructors explained that using contraceptives during the fertile time is NOT what they meant by creative continence. The use of contraceptives during the fertile time results in a fairly high pregnancy rate. I learned that contraception interferes with the observation of mucus. During the past several years of teaching, we’ve heard other questions about the use of different practices during the fertile time, like withdrawal, masturbation, etc. If you follow these practices, you will NOT be growing in the gift of self control. These practices have traditionally been taught as morally evil.

A pamphlet has already been written on this subject. “Marital Sexuality,”1 can be ordered from the national office of the Couple to Couple League. (See the reference page.) God has an order and a plan for our sexuality. In the confusion of mass media and society this pamphlet is definitely a light in the darkness. Those who will follow the information given in the pamphlet will find order and peace in their sexuality. It definitely brought peace into our lives

There is a sense of dignity in knowing you can exercise self-control if need be.

As we began to exercise discipline and self-control in our marriage in learning and using Natural Family Planning, my questions and fears were quieted. There is a sense of dignity in knowing you can exercise self-control if need be. It was nice to learn we wouldn’t die without sex. It was wonderful to crave for one another again. Before using NFP I didn’t know my need for my husband. With instant satisfaction, I had lost that recognition. When we were using contraceptives, a hug from my husband always made me feel he was setting me up for sex. I would often push him away. Now in using Natural Family Planning, I welcome his hugs and pursuits, knowing that his behavior is not always initiated with only one purpose in mind. Women need to be held and courted without the expectancy of intercourse.

Abstinence has been one of the major gifts of Natural Family Planning.

Abstinence has been one of the major gifts of Natural Family Planning. It was through abstinence that we rediscovered the gift of sex, the art of love making, romance, and courtship. Some of our most intimate times are during the time we set aside for abstinence.

Another issue I struggled with in using NFP was pregnancy. I came home from my first NFP session with mixed emotions. And now I look back on it with amusement. Getting ready to go through the class was the scariest thing in my life. I had three children in five years. The last thing I wanted was another child. The fear of pregnancy was great. I didn’t know whether I could handle another pregnancy. Another fear was whether we could really have sex without using something to protect us from pregnancy? I found that we could. NFP works! Linked with the fear of pregnancy was the fear of what my husband’s reaction would be if I did get pregnant.

With NFP my husband and I both accept the responsibility for

achieving and avoiding pregnancy.

With NFP my husband and I both accept the responsibility for achieving and avoiding pregnancy. He knows my fertile time as well as I do. I realized then that I couldn’t blame the Lord or the Church if I did get pregnant. God has given us our bodies. He has given us authority and responsibility over them. I came to the conclusion that I had to grow up and accept responsibility for my own actions and decisions. It was also time to accept the consequences due to those actions and decisions. That realization brought freedom.

Today, I really believe that God’s grace is sufficient to assist me in

any need.

At that time in my life my faith and trust in the Lord was not as strong as it is today. In looking back, I can see that we grew more in our relationship, confidence and sexuality in the first three years of Natural Family Planning than we had grown in the first ten years of our marriage. Today, I really believe that God’s grace is sufficient to assist me in any need.

High risk cases, who should avoid pregnancy because it could cause serious health problems and possible death, definitely should know and use NFP . . .

After I grew in confidence in Natural Family Planning, I have come to the strong conviction that high risk cases, who should avoid pregnancy because it could cause serious health problems and possible death, definitely should know and use NFP, because they need to avoid genital contact and intercourse during the fertile time. Knowledge of the fertile time and abstinence during that time is a positive way of avoiding conception. If I am using contraceptives I have a higher risk of pregnancy than if I practice abstinence during the fertile time.

Observing and recording mucus, cervix and temperature changes

let us know when we are fertile or infertile . . .

Observing and recording mucus, cervix and temperature changes let us know when we are fertile or infertile. Before learning Natural Family Planning, I always thought I had a vaginal infection. I would go to the doctor only to find out that everything was fine. I didn’t know that mucus (which is a wetness in the middle of a woman’s cycle) is a normal healthy sign. I didn’t know I could watch for the changes in color and consistency of the mucus to determine fertility or infertility.

When I began observing and recording my mucus, I didn’t know where I was in my cycle. I questioned myself as to whether I was observing the mucus correctly. When we returned to our second session, I was sure that my charting was the worst the instructor had ever seen. It wasn’t. I just didn’t know what was normal. From this experience alone, I see the need to educate ourselves so we can educate our daughters and sons in fertility awareness. My second month was much easier because I had some experience with which to compare my observations and charting. By the time we finished our fourth session I felt confident.

As an instructor, when couples return to their second session feeling somewhat frustrated, my words to them are, “Be patient, take one day at a time, chart what you see and trust yourself.” With a bit of time, patience, and experience you will understand what you are doing and do it with ease.

Commit in your mind to follow NFP, one day at a time . . .

Commit in your mind to follow NFP, one day at a time, one month at a time, then you can commit yourself to six months, one year, and then life. The day will soon come when the method will be as easy as getting up and getting dressed. You will not even think about observing and charting your signs of fertility. It will become natural. I often caution couples that they can become so confident in their observations and use of NFP that they may be tempted to trust their fertility to memory and begin not charting. Be careful, your memory will fail you.

It’s important to chart daily.

It is important to chart daily. Lack of charting is one of the reasons for a surprise pregnancy. I also tell couples learning NFP that we never assume or presume anything. Each cycle is unique and different from the others. Although cycles will be similar, it is important not to assume them to be the same. We can only interpret what is factual and not what we think may happen.

It’s important to communicate your feelings to your spouse,

verbally and non-verbally.

While you are attending classes, it’s important to communicate your feelings to your spouse, verbally and non-verbally. Risking your thoughts, fears, and feelings with each other will deepen your relationship in a way you’ve never experienced before. I want to remind you that this growth in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean absence of conflict. As a matter of fact, when you begin using Natural Family Planning, the things you’ve hidden in your thoughts and feelings with the use of contraceptives will begin to surface. It’s as if you are living in the light now. In spite of initial conflict, as you begin to confront and deal with each situation as it surfaces, you will be removing barriers to true intimacy and begin cementing your relationship.

After using and teaching Natural Family Planning for several years now, I have walked the path of initial uncertainty and skepticism before you and have earned the benefit of hindsight. Although my experience is different from yours, there will be some similarities. I hope this booklet will save you the time it took me to discover most answers to my many questions. I hope that this booklet will encourage you to persevere. I know the temptation to throw away one of the best gifts in life because of not wanting to struggle.

Once I had a dream that I was in a long race. I was getting tired and worn-out. I began to struggle. I felt I just couldn’t go on. Grasping for every ounce of strength, I began to drag myself one inch at a time. When I couldn’t go on any further I gasped one last time and gave up. It was then that I was given a view of the race from above. I had only six inches more to complete the race. Just six inches to go! If I had known that, I’m sure I could have made it! It’s not knowing how long a particular struggle will last that causes us to be tempted to give up. I’m reminded of this dream when I feel I just can’t give anymore, when I feel I just can’t walk another mile, or when I want to run away from my struggles and situations. I encourage myself to keep right on going. I remind myself, “I have only six inches to go.” Victory is just around the corner. I pray for the grace to persevere, not to fall short of the goal.

Victory is just around the corner. I pray for the grace to persevere,

not to fall short of the goal.

Some of you will go to class and catch right on and not struggle. I’m trying to encourage those who are tempted to drop the program. I’m trying to encourage those who are committed to NFP but will struggle to learn the discipline of self-control. I hope my words will encourage those who are using contraceptives to stop and to begin using Natural Family Planning. You can do it. It’s worth whatever you have to go through to receive this gift. I tell you this because, in learning Natural Family Planning, there will be struggles. The flesh does not like to be told “no.”

Every time we persevered through a struggle we grew stronger . . .

Every time we persevered through a struggle we grew stronger and became closer to each other. We grew in trust of God’s grace. So the difficulties we experienced became opportunities for growth.

If Natural Family Planning seems unreachable to you at this time, consider the following Scripture:

“For this command which I enjoin on you today is not too mysterious and remote for you. It is not up in the sky, that you should say, ‘Who will go up in the sky to get it for us and tell us of it, that we may carry it out?’ Nor is it across the sea, that you should say, ‘Who will cross the sea to get it for us and tell us of it that we may carry it out?’ No, it is something very near to you, already in your mouths and in your hearts..." Deuteronomy 30:11-14

You have only to make the decision and commitment to use NFP. By praying, God’s grace will be there to assist you. Go to the Eucharist as often as possible. Ask for the sacrament of anointing for deliverance from contraception and ask for His grace to follow the teachings of the church.

The Church teaches that contraception and sterilization are

intrinsically evil . . .

The Church teaches contraception and sterilization are intrinsically evil and Natural Family Planning is permissible for sufficient serious reasons. (See New Catechism, 2370) The couple is to judge with God’s help what those sufficient serious reasons are.

We used Natural Family Planning prudently and selfishly to postpone and restrict pregnancy. One day “sufficient serious reasons” really began to burn in our hearts and we began to evaluate what were our sufficient serious reasons. At that time the only reason we could think of restricting pregnancy was age but when we held that excuse up to the light of scripture we realize even old age is not necessarily sufficient enough to block God’s hand in blessing us with a child.

I went before the Blessed Sacrament and, I consecrated that time of adoration that I would be open to all that God would have for us. I felt led to share my story with my pastor and ask for the sacrament of anointing to be opened to more children if God wanted to bless us with a child. Father anointed me and I was open.

I never thought about asking for the sacrament of anointing for not being open to more children. It is possible to have a contraceptive mentality which blocks God from blessing a couple with a child even when using NFP. This contraceptive thinking is a spiritual sickness. The sacrament of anointing with confession is very appropriate for this healing. Natural Family Planning brings true reproductive freedom!

Natural Family Planning brings true reproductive freedom!

Contraceptives in my life led to a loss of sexual drive, a questioning of my love for my husband, anger, resentment, guilt, blame, possible abortion by the use of the pill and IUD, disrespect for myself and my husband, a feeling of isolation in my relationship with my husband, God and the Church.

Natural Family Planning has affected my life in a way that I truly

feel peace.

Natural Family Planning has affected my life in a way that I truly feel peace. It has taught me to accept personal responsibility not only for my sexual behavior but for all aspects of my life. It has taught me that I have a responsibility and sensitivity toward my husband and his needs. It has taught us to work together as a couple according to God’s plan not our own. It has increased my faith, love, and trust in God and increased my knowledge of His wisdom which far surpasses man.

Learning and using Natural Family Planning has increased my love for children and for life. It has restored to my husband and me the gift of sex, romance and courtship. We have grown in self respect, mutual respect, and in self control.

Using Natural Family Planning has given us confidence in teaching abstinence from sex before marriage to our children. We are healthier body, mind and spirit because of using Natural Family Planning. I have grown in respect and great appreciation of the Church and the sacraments. There is no greater joy than being at peace with God, my church and my spouse.

It is very important to do the right thing for the right reason. Initially we committed ourselves to teach and use NFP because it had blessed our marriage and we felt called to teach. In order to teach we had to use the method as taught or we couldn’t teach. It was the commitment to teach that protected us during some difficult times from returning to contraception. My main motive NOW for using NFP, when there is sufficient serious reasons, is in obedience to the teaching magisterium of the Church. If Jesus is LORD of my life, there is no other option but to follow in obedience all the teachings of the Church.

Jesus said to his disciples,

“He who hears you hears Me, He who rejects you, rejects Me.”
Luke 10:16

If I am convicted that this teaching is truly Christ teaching, and I am, not to follow it would be to reject Christ. With this conviction, I will NOT be as easily tempted to use contraception during difficult times. This saves me from many dangers.

I have five children and I tell you as I tell my children; “Contraception is intrinsically evil. Its potential to destroy and kill is real. I grieve over the pain and destruction it causes. Use Natural Family Planning!”

“All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful but sorrowful;
yet to those trained by it afterwards
it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
Hebrews 12:11

My husband and I used contraceptives the first ten years of our marriage. Once we began using Natural Family Planning, I knew this was God’s plan for our marriage. I felt guilty, and sorry for my past choices. I realized I needed healing and forgiveness. The following prayer and information has helped me and others with this healing process. I hope this will be of assistance to you.

Prayer for

Someone using contraception

Dear God,

I want to do Your will. Help me to listen to Your Son’s voice through the teachings of the Church. Help me, not to settle for less. Help me, to put forth the effort that is needed, to follow Your way and reap Your abundant life here on earth. Help me to accept the truth of the Church’s teaching against contraception and sterilization. Give me the grace to follow it in obedience. Send me and my spouse someone who can aid and encourage us in following Your way. Help us never to bend in the face of fear, but live in complete trust that You WILL provide, as we grow in self control, and surrender to Your Lordship in all areas of our life.

Prayer for

Someone that has used contraception and/or chose

sterilization

Dear God,

I can’t change the past. It’s hard to believe or even admit that I’ve made a mistake. Please, give me the humility to think clearly and give me the grace and the faith to recognize my weaknesses and faults. Help me to forgive myself and my spouse. Help me to accept full responsibility for my decisions and not blame the church or others. Help me to confess my faults and once again turn my life over to You and rely upon Your mercy.

“We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those
who have been called according to his decree."
Romans 8:28

Bring good out of my past mistakes. Help me in some way, at least for my children’s sake, to promote the truth of Natural Family Planning. If I find myself slipping back into justifying or rationalizing my past behavior to the point of remaining silent, condoning or even encouraging contraceptives or sterilization, please help me. Give me boldness to speak in love and gentleness to those who are verbalizing criticism and dissent from the Church’s teaching. Please, give me the grace to frequent the sacraments of Confession and Eucharist.

Thank you, Lord, for being faithful to the Church, and for guiding her in the fullness of truth. Help us to pray for our Holy Father, the Pope, and all priests, deacons and ministers of our Holy Catholic Faith to faithfully, courageously, proclaim Christ teachings and to conduct themselves that befits a member of God’s household.

“I am writing you about these matters so that if I should be delayed you will know what kind of conduct befits a member of God’s household, the church of the living God, the pillar and bulwark of truth.”
1 Timothy 3:15

God forbid that I exert my independence from the voice of Christ by rejecting the teaching Magisterium of the Church, the pillar and bulwark of truth. Keep me faithful. Amen

Notes:

If you are using contraceptives and find it difficult to stop, PRAY the rosary and go to Confession. Pray for the grace of obedience, study the scriptures and the teachings of the Catholic Church. Attend a Natural Family Class and begin using Natural Family Planning as soon as possible.

If you have been sterilized, go to confession. I encourage you to set aside, by mutual agreement, some time each month to fast from sexual intercourse. Use this time to pray in reparation for past behavior. Use this time to grow in the gift of self control. It will bless your marriage.

“Do not deprive one another, unless perhaps by mutual consent for a time to devote yourselves to prayer.
Then return to one another, that Satan may not tempt you through lack of self control.”
1 Corinthians 7:15

It is possible, through the use of some forms of contraception like the pill, IUD, Norplant, RU 486 and others that a child might have been aborted. Please, go to confession and have a mass said for any children that might have been unknowingly aborted. Forgive yourself, accept God’s forgiveness, and thank God for His mercy and redemption.

“If My people, upon whom My name has been pronounced, humble themselves and pray and seek my presence and turn from evil ways I will hear them from heaven and pardon their sins and revive the land.”
2 Chronicles 7:14

I ask you for prayers for myself and my family. Thank you and God Bless.

Arlene

For information about learning Natural Family Planning, please contact our National Office. They will direct you to the closest teaching couple.

1-513-471-2000

Fax # 1-513-557-2449

References:

1. “Marital Sexuality”, pamphlet order from Couple to Couple League International, Inc., P.O. Box 111184, Cincinnati, Ohio 45211-1184

2. See New Catechism #2370

A Message for Those Preparing Couples for Marriage

I used contraceptives ten years before my husband and I began to use Natural Family Planning... Birth control bothered my conscience. I used to justify its use because my husband was not Catholic. I felt that he would not be open to Natural Family Planning. Little did I know the precious gift God gave me in my husband. Had I communicated my struggles, thoughts, assumptions and feelings, I know it would have been different. But at that time in my life, fear and insecurities seemed to be dominant. I decided to consult a priest about my problem. I presented to a priest my situation as I understood it.

I was in an interfaith marriage, and not to use a form of birth control could cause tremendous hardship in our marriage. I had conjured up the worst. Could it even cause a divorce? I sat in the priest’s office fearful, trembling and at times tearful. What was the priest supposed to do? As far as he knew, I was giving him the accurate assessment of my marital relationship. In my mind, I believed the situation to be that critical. I know the priest’s heart went out to me. In all honesty and compassion he wanted to quiet and calm a fearful young woman. I can’t remember all the words of comfort and encouragement that he gave me or even if he shared about the teachings of the Church, but what I do remember are these words: “Let love be my guide.” This suggestion sounded good to me.

Let love be my guide...

Let love be my guide? My question was, “What is love?” At that time in my life, love meant don’t stir the waters... Don’t rock the boat... Don’t risk communicating my struggles to my husband. Who knows what I might have to face, possible rejection or even ridicule.

Let love be my guide? To me, love meant keeping peace at all costs. Peace to me meant the absence of risks, disagreements and confrontation. It meant not communicating about questionable material. It didn’t matter what the internal struggle of my heart, mind or soul might be. I have learned since then that in marriage I have to communicate or I will find myself alienated from my husband. I have no other choice if I want my marriage to grow and flourish. I have to take risks, face my fears and share. This communication has helped me to grow in understanding and trust with my husband.

Let love be my guide? This was just what I needed to hear to justify my use of the pill, IUD, condoms, diaphragms, gels, and foams. I often wondered what would have happened if the priest had said, “This is what the Church teaches...” and left the responsibility and accountability up to me? Who knows? I might have left, judging the Church as uncaring and out-of-date, and judged the priest the same. I might have gone from priest to priest until I heard what I wanted to hear.

Scripture talks about the day when people will raise up leaders to tell them what they want to hear.

“For the time will come when people will not tolerate sound doctrine, but following their own desires, will surround themselves with teachers who tickle their ears.”

2 Timothy 4:3

That is what I was doing, although I was not consciously aware of it. In my human nature, I was looking for justification and rationalization not to follow the church’s teaching. I just needed ONE word or ONE phrase to say contraception was okay.

I used contraceptives ...

I used contraceptives ten years before my husband and I began to use Natural Family Planning. Since then I have thought many times about my use of the IUD and the pill. I have no idea how many children (unknowingly) were aborted by my use of these forms of contraception.

Scripture says:

“But if they obey not, they perish; they die for lack of knowledge.”

Job 36 :12

Scripture does NOT say that I will be excused for not obeying or for not having knowledge. I have a teaching Church and I WILL be held accountable for the decisions, and consequences of my behavior. I will also be held accountable for the judgments and the counsels I have made or suggested because of wanting to right things and make things comfortable for myself or others.

Scripture reads:

“I assure you, on judgment day people will be held accountable for every unguarded word they speak. By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Matthew 12:36-37

Did I by my silence or opinions encourage contraception to others? I now realize how important it is for me to guard my words in counseling, so that I do not support contraceptive behavior. I will be partly held accountable for bad advise that resulted in damaged relationships, abortions, divorces, health problems, etc. Besides the knowledge that contraception is intrinsically evil (See New Catechism #2370), the divorce rate among contraceptive users is fifty percent as compared to Natural Family Planning users, two to five percent. This should be sufficient reasons to strongly encourage Natural Family Planning.

The pain I experienced ...

The pain and struggle I experienced over contraception, I believe, was a direct result of my attitude and disobedience to the teachings of the Church. When my attitude IS one of reverence and respect to those in authority, the result is a peace that gets me through IF there is suffering. I am convinced there are some things I will never receive in this life unless I am obedient. If I can’t subject myself to those I see, how can I learn submission and obedience to God who I cannot see?

Throughout Scripture God directed and governed His people through a visible, structured leadership. He continues to govern his people through the Church today. In Numbers, Aaron and Miriam complained against Moses saying,

“Is it through Moses alone that the Lord speaks? Does He not speak through us also?”

Numbers 12:2

This is the same argument individuals and groups are using today against the teaching authority of the church. I did the same, I placed myself as my own authority. The Lord became angry with Miriam because she spoke against His servant’s leadership. Miriam was struck with leprosy. I believe sin, spiritually, affects our souls in the same way that leprosy affects the body.

Leprosy is a disease that attacks the nerves. In addition to skin lesions, leprosy also causes the nerve endings to die, beginning first at the extremities, the fingers and toes. People with leprosy gradually lose all sensation and eventually become paralyzed to the point that they don’t feel pain. Sin does the same in my spiritual life. Eventually, I am unable to feel or recognize the pain of being separated from God. I do believe I will suffer the consequences of rebellion and disobedience.

When I choose not to respect and listen to the teaching authority of the Church, I could experience leprosy of the heart, mind or spirit. In not listening to Church teaching, I suffered the consequences and alienated myself from the fullness God intended in my marital sexuality.

One day, I prayed…

As I prayed one day, I asked the Lord to communicate to me the best strategic weapon that only a Christian could use, a weapon that would dispel the darkness and the enemy from its constant onslaught against the family, and the destruction of mind, body, and spirit. A weapon that would put the enemy to flight. I kept asking the Lord, “What is it?” Just as the armed forces have their secret weapons, I asked, “What is ours?” The answer came back clearly: “Obedience to the word of God and to the teachings of the Church.”

Obedience is the weapon...

Obedience is the weapon of protection and deliverance. You might say, “But we have many in the Church who disagree with the Church’s teaching on birth control and will often tell you what you want to hear.” Scripture talks about those who give messages that tickle your ears and also about those entrapped in their own philosophies. They will be held accountable. Some will say, “Let your conscience be your guide.” This advice leaves everyone to do their own will. It is important to form the conscience by the Word of God and the teachings of the Church.

The Canadian bishops say that if your conscience goes against the Word of God and the teachings of the Church then you must believe that your conscience is in error. I believe that. It is not my trust in man or even in the Church that gives me this faith, but my trust in Christ’s own words to His disciples:

“He who hears you hears Me.”

Luke 10:16

I believe in the faithfulness ...

I believe in the faithfulness of the Holy Spirit’s guidance in and through the Church. If the Church consistently teaches something as truth then I believe it is truth no matter how many people defy it, try to soft-pedal it, or give rationalizations, confirmations, or justifications for dissenting.

What does the very word dissent mean? To differ in opinion, or to refuse adherence to a belief. “Responsible dissent” is a modern term. I asked myself, “Is it responsible to encourage dissent from something that teaches self-control and responsibility for sexual behavior?” No, to teach self-control and responsibility for sexual behavior is exactly what the world needs compared to the destructive consequences of contraceptive behavior: selfishness, promiscuity, addiction, abortion, etc.

Another question I asked, “Is it responsible to teach couples that contraceptive behavior is acceptable?” No, I was tempted to discount the church’s teaching when one or two couples found it a hard teaching to follow and walked away from Natural Family Planning, much like Jesus’ followers in the scriptures on the Eucharist. But after seeing the change in hundreds of couples, I feel a stronger urgency to offer even more encouragement to couples to use Natural Family Planning. I believe Natural Family Planning is for every married couple, even for a life or death situation. If a couple is using contraception, they may be having intercourse during their fertile time. Their chances of getting pregnant are higher than if they are using NFP, because they would be abstaining during the fertile time.

“All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful but sorrowful;

yet to those who have been trained by it afterwards

it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”

Hebrews 12:11

If you cannot encourage couples to use Natural Family Planning, please contact a couple that is using Natural Family Planning and they can encourage them. We can tell them, “You CAN do it! You CAN control yourself! You are created in God’s image, He has given you authority over your passions. You have within you the power to follow Natural Family Planning, You have only to commit yourself and carry it out.” Read Deut. 30:11-14.

What am I to do?

I ask myself, “What am I to do if people choose not to follow the Church’s teaching on birth control?” I will love them, bless them, and continue to pray for them. God never withdraws His love from me, no matter how many times I seem to fail. He is always there to pick me up and encourage me along the way. I must do the same for others.

There will always be some in the Church that will misconstrue the teaching on Natural Family Planning and negate their responsibility. They will NOT exercise restraint and self-control. There will be some couples who will have more children than they can handle and consider themselves good Catholics because they are not using birth control. Yet they might blame the Church and expect it to financially support them in times of trouble. I must continue to reach out and try to help them. I must try to educate and counsel them to accept personal responsibility. Some will reject this offer too. (Even among contraceptive users, some fail to use contraceptives as taught.) The truth is that they do not want to exercise restraint or accept personal responsibility, and irresponsibility will be apparent in other areas of their life too.

I do NOT believe that God wishes us to bring children into the world and expect others to raise them. I do believe when there are sufficient serious reasons to postpone pregnancy that God would have me accept the responsibility by controlling my sexual behavior. I also believe God would like to bless many couples with another child but fears and other reasons are holding them bondage and robbing them of this gift.

I share my story with you...

I share my story with you because I find that the responsibility to be steadfast and unwavering is sometimes hard to carry. I also know how easy it is to disregard the church’s teaching when trying to comfort a woman or a couple if their story seems to be the exception to the rule. Guard your words, for it is the truth that will set them free. I’ve counseled a young woman with cancer, on chemotherapy. Pregnancy would have meant a life threatening experience. I told her she needed NFP more now than ever. She was to use the most conservative rule and when in doubt abstain. It was tough but she and her husband came through it much stronger in their relationship because of it.

The easiest couple we ever taught had the best attitude. It was, “This is what the Church teaches so this is what we are going to do.” They had no other options. Encourage your couples to frequent the sacraments for the strength they need. If they continue to struggle, ask them to go to their pastor and ask for the sacrament of anointing. Remember, contraception is a spiritual leprosy. God bless your ministries!

Letter from Most Reverend Joseph A. Fiorenza, Bishop of Galveston-Houston

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